Tree of Life I’m done with my sunset watercolour and the class is loud. I almost get hit with a wet paintbrush, so I ask to go to the book corner. I see one with a guy in glasses and a hoodie on the cover. He’s standing in front of his painting with the vibrating babies with no eyes. He looks friendly and kind. I read how Keith Haring was gay and died of AIDS and made a lot of cool stuff, starting in the New York subways as a graffiti artist. The teacher has soft music on, and she puts the lights down to get the class quiet. I almost fall asleep on the bean bag in the book corner where no one will see me. The bell rings and wakes me up and on my lap is the Keith Haring book opened to a big picture of one of his paintings called Tree of Life. It’s funny, because the church I go to since I moved in with my aunt is also called Tree of Life. There’s loud singing and clapping, and people are “slain in the Spirit.” They pass out and the elders go over and fan them. This happens every Sunday. When I lived with my mom, we never went to church. When I said certain things, she said I should not say them in church, but I always wondered if we’d go and what it would really be like. Then my mom had to go to rehab, and I moved in with my aunt, who’s nice and makes delicious banana bread. Soon, my mom will finish treatment, then we’ll live together again, so I look forward to that a lot. The Keith Haring painting is also better than the church. I like that Tree of Life. The next class Ms. Wilson assigns us a biography project, so I choose Keith Haring and check out three books on him and take them home. My aunt asks if I need help. All I want is big white paper and paints to make an example of Keith Haring’s work. The rest will be a report I’m typing on my aunt’s computer. It’s easy to find information about Keith Haring’s childhood and time learning about art in college and how he got the idea to start his own style by filling in the black empty subway ad posters. My aunt hugs me like she’s so happy I’m okay considering my mom isn’t around to see things like this. “You’ll have to read this to her next time she calls,” she says. I get so many hugs from her. They’re not like my mom’s hugs. My aunt’s hugs have love in them, and she’s soft and smells like almonds, but when she hugs me, I remember my mom’s not there and inside it feels like a black subway ad all blank, waiting for some kind of art or life to be born there, like a tree could sprout or wants to, but it can’t. I decide I should paint my own Tree of Life, but I don’t know what should go on it. The next day I show Ms. Wilson the report I wrote already, and she says, “This is gorgeous. Don’t forget the visual!” I tell her I’m waiting to get the materials. She says that’s fine. It’s good because I don’t know yet what my own Tree of Life is. I worry that I’ll have to turn in the project before I find out. When I get home from school that day, my aunt is on the couch. In front of her on the glass coffee table surface is an acrylic paint set and brushes still in the package and not just one big white paper page but five. I can’t believe it. My mom never had the money for things like this and when I got home from school, if she was there, she was in her room with the lights out and curtains drawn, and she was missing work from the drugs making her sick. The art supplies are amazing, but my aunt looks worried. She’s reading one of my Keith Haring books. I sit down next to her. She’s frowning at a picture he painted of a smiley face on a big penis. “This is shameful,” she says. “Sorry. You need to do your project on someone else.” “Alright,” I say. My ears and face are hot, like I’ve done something terrible. “I’ll take these books back and talk to the librarian. They don’t need books like this for children.” Later, alone in the room where my aunt has me staying, I’m on the floor with the paints and paper. I can remember Keith Haring’s painting, the green branches becoming people with hands waving. The tree connects them to each other and the ground—hands wave and their faces look like seeds. The people under it are yellow with x faces and tiny orange boxes sprinkled around, like they have disease invading and they’re reaching up to the tree for help, like anyone reaches up, like my mom is now. At school I tell Ms. Wilson my aunt won’t let me do Keith Haring. Her mouth goes straight. Then her head turns. “I forgot you’re with your aunt right now,” she says. “I can talk to her about it.” During lunch I see her pull the phone cord out into the hall. She comes out looking very serious and says, “There’s sad news about your mom.” My mom, one of the pretty seeds on the tree waving its hands, getting sucked back into the earth. I reach toward my teacher, eyes in an X. Joshua Wetjen Joshua Wetjen is a high school English teacher living in Minneapolis and working in St. Paul. When not grading or chasing my two children, he likes to noodle on his jazz guitar and try new restaurants with his wife. His work has appeared in The Pinch, Newfound and Yalobusha Review among other publications.
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Garden Path with Chickens, 1916 I walk a straight line down this narrow, well-trimmed path to ward off the wild but the muted lure of wildflowers and overgrown grass pulls at me. I long to be as wise as serpents, yet pure as doves, but perhaps I am more like a chicken, bewildered on the brink of untamed abundance. A.R. Williams A.R. Williams, a poet hailing from Virginia’s Shenandoah Valley (USA), is the author of A Funeral in the Wild (Kelsay Books, 2024) and Time in Shenandoah (Bottlecap Press, 2024). Connect with him on Twitter (X) and Instagram @arw_poetry Raven Maniac The Raven Maniac can fly upside down, low or high, or somersault across the sky. Another aeronautic trick is dropping from aloft a stick, then grabbing it in mid-air pick. They’re known for raiding campers’ tents and cabins. Cornered, in defense, they turn to avian violence and lunge at nose and eye and ear till all who face them flee in fear. Of such a bird, one might steer clear. Barbara Lydecker Crane Barbara Lydecker Crane was a Rattle Poetry Prize finalist in 2017 and 2019. Her fourth collection, You Will Remember Me, sonnets in the imagined voices of artists through history, with many colour reproductions, will be published in October 2023 by Able Muse Press. Don't miss this wonderful introduction to prose poetry through Women on Writing! I can't wait to share my favourite poems with you, and I know you will write some amazing pieces during this program.
Click here or on image to find out more about this course, or to enrol today. https://www.wow-womenonwriting.com/classroom/LoretteLuzajic_ProsePoetry.html The Actress Polina Strepetova Twenty-three months ago, after being buried in black and white on page 133 of an obscure book of Russian paintings, you paused, stage left, and began your wordless soliloquy -- unimpressed with your audience of one, buried in olive-drab and khaki in room 205 of a peeling-paint army barracks amid the live colours of South Korea; its cerulean and carmine, golden yellow and chartreuse unseen in the grey world your artist chose. When you passed across the pressed-page theater, your petite drooping shoulders betrayed you: this portrait was no performance, and I felt a foreigner. I didn’t speak the language at the time: I did not understand the tragic angle of your chin, loose lay of your merging fingers, their rough, labored womb poured against your peasant dress like a January night sky in Rybinsk -- Even these were Russian. When Nikolai Yaroshenko painted you (with minor conceit a century ago) did he foresee the glossy pages that would bring you to my attention. Could he have known that a war-monger GI, bred on Budweiser and Playboy, would spend five hundred American dollars and two years learning Russian just to pose these questions to this shadow of your likeness -- which is as close as I will ever come to Moscow. Gary P English Gary P English (they/them/their) lives in Baton Rouge, LA, where they and their partner share a home with a dachshund and two cats. Besides writing, they paint and play the guitar. Their poems have been published in Grey Sparrow Journal, Home Planet News, and Stonecoast Review. Under a Cloak, Dreaming after Pio Abad's I am Singing a Song that Can Only Be Borne After Losing a Country, 2023, seen in the Ashmolean Museum. In a place where things come to die when they have drifted to the edge, lies a roanoke deer skin mantle. The people are gone, their language is dead. In blood-red pencil an exile draws a map of destruction, of a land washed away in a flood, now only the ghost of a place. Look beneath and below, see, there's something behind, the map's other side is a gleaming cowrie mirror made by a people who didn't make mirrors. A pearly view of the world, with a man at its centre, a wolf, a white tailed deer and the people. In this vision man and wolf are brothers, both hunt the deer. We honour the wolf for his cunning, his skill and his pack. This makes him our brother. We do not eat the wolf. Now think of the mirror from the flesh side, remember that wolves too have dreams When they dream, they dream they are running through the forest chasing the deer. They dream of how you can smell deer in the mist, they dream of the blood side of skin. And if you look closely, you'll see the wolf's leg twitching, while it sleeps, chasing deer. When the wolf wakes, it is hungry and hunts. We know deer dream of flight of sun-dappled glades, the taste of spring growth in the clearing, their herds. Men dream of many things, porcupines, bison, heron, the salmon, their wives. But the white men, who came from the ocean, what do they dream of? They, like all men, dream of deer and in dreams they are wolves. In their dreams they chase deer in the mist and they hear them fleeing ahead and they smell them, but for some reason, these dream-deer smell like men. In the mist they cannot see them, but they chase. And in their dreams the pack of white wolves bring down their prey, tear their quarry asunder. In the frenzy they notice that the deer taste like men, but flesh is flesh and wolf will eat wolf so long as they are starving and the dinner is not of their pack. So they eat these dream-deer anyway. Exiles and the dead know that dreams, in the colour of blood, are the nightmares of what others call history. Basil Meyer Basil Meyer was born outside Johannesburg in South Africa. He studied in Johannesburg, Leeds and London, completing doctoral work on narrative and death in Victorian medicine and literature. He has published poetry in Contrast, Presence and Green Dragon, as well as reviews and criticism. He has worked as an English lecturer in South Africa and various UK universities and most recently in hospital administration. He is interested in the intersections between poetry and other forms of knowledge, discourse and artistic practice. He currently lives in England. Cycladic Figurines, Cycladic female figurines of the widespread Spedos variety (22-23) and Dokathismata variety (24). Early Cycladic II, 2800-2300 BC, Keros-Syros group. Findings from Naxos and Amorgos. National Archaeological Museum of Athens, inv. no. 6140.21, 3913, 9096. photo by Zde, CC BY-SA 4.0 In this Poem, Writing About Cycladic Art Leads to the Election These Cycladic figures are so unlike, admit it, those grotesque Venuses, whose sculptors invoked a chthonic gravitas, bloated and erupted the stone, to make of it a baroque nakedness, turbulently noduled, thickly thighed, hot-water-bottle breasted, the whole of her furled inward, capped acorn, locked inside a fisted inscrutable darkness. She’s bowed downward, as if fixed by her uterus, the body growing inside her belly. And that’s all, folks. Back then, I’d be scared to be a woman. No wonder we were worshipped. But several thousand years later, what a difference! Of ever fresh white marble, these figures, angular, slim and sleek, except for noses sharply denotated, dashes for eyes and mouth, white silhouettes, look Deco-like, would-be flappers, their v’s lightly incised, bellies just slightly rising, nothing tumid, arms folded above the waist, perhaps protective of their bodies before they became properties, or just sporting, stream-lining women, like summery linen, tennis whites, strong white teeth. Don’t get me wrong-- I’m not arguing boyish bodies for women, or almost childlessness. Found in cemeteries, no one knows their meaning: doll, idol, talisman, mascot, underworld docent? I don’t really care. Because I like their wholesome, confident mystery. Now they steady me in this vast museum, rooms populous with art works and too many spectators. Alone in this gallery, off the beaten path, before the display cases I can contemplate, rest my eyes, to gaze at them as if sipping from a straw my refreshment, a lemonade in the heat, the great elemental simplicity and serenity of one I could easily clutch or carry in my bag, hold as a hand weight, as we use in Pilates, a tiny barbell of antiquity, my ideal model to build an anonymous lovely body, not some contested, identified whomever. To suck on her timeless lozenge, to soothe my throat sore with too confused, querulous growling voices, to use her as a baton to conduct the divisive orchestra, and to carve with an obsidian chisel once more the age-old rock of us, the equivalent of an Oscar statuette, except female, the award going to a woman to lead our nation. Deborah Gorlin Read Deborah's work after the fascinating Isabella Blow: https://www.ekphrastic.net/the-ekphrastic-review/poems-about-isabella-blow-by-deborah-gorlin Read Deborah's poem after Raymond Isidore: https://www.ekphrastic.net/the-ekphrastic-review/cover-story-by-deborah-gorlin Deborah Gorlin is the author of two previous books of poems, Bodily Course, White Pine Poetry Press Prize, 1997, and Life of the Garment, winner of the 2014 May Sarton New Hampshire Poetry Prize. Her new book of poems, Open Fire, Bauhan, was published in Spring, 2023. Recent poems have been published in Plume; On the Seawall; the Ekphrastic Review; Mass Poetry: the Hard Work of Hope; The Common; Rumors, Secrets & Lies; Swwim; and Yetzirah. Her lyric essay, “Jack of All Trades” was a finalist in Calyx magazine’s 2022 Margarita Donnelly Prize for Prose Writing. Emerita co-director of the Writing Program at Hampshire College, she served for many years as a poetry editor at The Massachusetts Review. Simply a Smile (or Why the Soldier Smiled) Many years ago, the great and powerful Lord Qin marched across fields, forests and rivers conquering all, until at last he could name himself Emperor over the vast and rich lands now known as China. Emperor Qin feared no man or thing. Only thoughts of his own death made his heart flutter like a plum blossom in the wind. At last, the Emperor devised a strategy to retain his power for eternity. He ordered the making of an army of terracotta soldiers. Modeled from the forms and visages of the bravest of his actual warriors, this pottery army would conquer his enemies in the afterlife. So, the next time that the Emperor’s forces swept through the villages to steal its sons for the army, young men known to have clay working talent were taken and sent to the worksite for building the Emperor's terracotta Army of the Afterlife and the others went on to conquer new lands for the Emperor in this life. The Village At that time, beside a mountain stream, there was a village blessed with an abundance of rich, red, clay. Over centuries the people of this village became renowned for their artistry in terracotta. That fame drew the Emperor’s attention, and one fine spring day his horsemen thundered toward that village to exact the cruel tax of one son per family. Among the most talented families in the village was that of Li Wu. He had no sons, only a daughter. Her name was Li Hui Zhong. She crafted pottery that was deemed exceptional even in this village of superb achievement. Her slim fingers fashioned faces so real that people often said that her statues spoke. But at that time it was not considered proper for young women to work in terracotta. So, Li Hui Zhong cut off her cascade of silken black hair. She dressed as a young man and covered her face with kiln ash to hide her soft features. The other people in the village respected her skill and her father’s need for a helper, so they kept her secret and she became known to all as Li Wu the Younger. Over the years, some even forgot that she was really a woman. One young man, Hsiang Xirui, did not forget that hidden behind the kiln ash was a lovely young woman. He wanted to marry Li Hui Zhong. "I will take you and your father behind the walls of our courtyard at our horse farm. You can work with terracotta as a woman. I will keep you safe," he told her. Li Hui Zhong loved the strong, gentle Hsiang Xirui and agreed to marry him. But Emperor Qin’s plans trampled the plans of the two young people. The Emperor was ready to exact his tax of sons upon the craftsmen's village. Plans Overtaken On a spring day when the sky was blue and the air was filled with the scent of plum blossom, the Captain of the Emperor’s Guard rode into the village with a list of the young men who would be taken for the terracotta work and those that would be taken in addition for the regular army. The Captain read loudly from a scroll, "It is the Emperor’s will that each family surrender one son. Some will make his new Army of the Afterlife and the others will have the usual honor of serving in the Imperial Army of this world." First on the list of those to become terracotta workers was "Li Wu the Younger." Li Wu wanted to take his daughter’s place. But how could he tell the Emperor and the rest of the world that he and his daughter had deceived them for so long? Tears ran down her clay-stained face like two mountain waterfalls. "I will go, Father, and serve the Emperor. Otherwise we will both be punished. Stay safe, dear Father." The other village artists who were to be taken agreed to help Li Hui Zhong continue to live secretly as Li Wu the Younger. Both her father and she would be safe, but her heart was broken. Going to the worksite for the terracotta army would separate her from Hsiang Xiru. Her beloved had been selected for the Imperial Army. Hsiang Xirui wanted to ride off into the hills with Li Hui Zhong but he knew that their families would be punished severely for such disobedience. So, his heart also broken, he obeyed and rode off to conquer more lands for the Emperor. The Emperor’s Workshop Li Hui Zhong’s first sight of the vast village of terracotta workers was of rows of block-shaped work huts covered in a cloud of smoke that extended all the way to the mountains behind. Because of her great skills she was assigned to a hut up on the side of the mountain where she worked alone. Below her, on the streets of the village, the soldiers for the Afterlife were formed in assembly-line fashion. The bravest of the Emperor’s soldiers came to the village, one by one, and met with each group of crafts’ people as a part of the process of copying them in clay. On the first street, a set of workers fashioned arms, on another, the torso. The men then marched over to the street where legs were made. Another group replicated armor, and at last, each warrior went to the hut of a Master Sculptor to have their heads shaped into terracotta. Each Master carefully patted the faces carefully imprinting the eyes, nose, and mouth, into their fingers so that they could impress those features into the clay. After the head was finished and fired by the Master in his own kiln, it was sent to the main assembling area and put together with the other clay pieces of the soldier. The finest of these Masters was Li Hui Zhong. The Emperor’s Army Because his family raised horses, Hsiang Xirui quickly became a cavalry rider of distinction. In his first battle, he saved the life of one of his officers. Again and again he proved his bravery. Despite his low birth status, he was made an officer. The soft features of the strong, gentle, young man became the scarred, sharp outlines of a warrior. Yet, for all of his glory in the Emperor’s service, Hsiang Xirui’s heart remained that of the gentle farm boy who loved Li Hui Zhong. He thought constantly of how he might find and rescue her. Some five years after their parting, Hsiang Xirui received orders to go to the village of the terracotta warriors. He was honored by this assignment, but even more glad because he hoped to see his beloved there. As his legs were measured and molds made, he scanned the crowd for someone he knew from home who might be able to lead him to Li Hui Zhong. As the craftsmen poked and prodded and sent him from one workshop to another, he prayed to find her. At last it was time for Hsiang Xirui to climb the path to a Master face sculptor. He followed a path high above the smoke to the workshop door and stopped by a hut where the Master Sculptor was finishing another head. Hsiang Xirui watched slim fine fingers rapidly roaming over the clay, patting it here and there, shaping it into a work of art. When the fingers stopped their work, the sculpted head looked as though it were about to speak. Hsiang Xirui gasped! "Come in," called the Master. Hsiang Xirui stood before the Master Artist, who hardly looked at him. Hsiang Xirui closely examined the artist’s slight build and stared hard at the sculptor's hair and face, covered as they were with ash and clay. Then the Master’s fingers flew over Hsiang Xirui’s face, measuring the distance between the eyes, memorizing each feature. When the Master’s fingers fluttered from cheeks to lips, Hsiang Xirui allowed himself a small smile. "What is this? You are to guard the Emperor." the Master barked. "No smiles! Serious work." "Very," replied Hsiang Xirui. The Master gasped. It was the voice she knew and loved. Her fingers returned to Hsiang Xirui’s face, with a much softer touch. Tears trickled down through the dust on her cheeks as she worked. Her fingers brushed his lips. He smiled again. "My love," he whispered to her. Li Hui Zhong continued to work so that no one would discover their secret. While she worked, Hsiang Xirui told her that he had always hoped to find her. "While I searched for you, I made a plan for our escape." "Our parents are already in a safe place. We will meet them. After you finish the sculpture of my head and send it on, we will escape." He explained more of the plan to her. "I will leave word that I had to leave early to go back to camp. But instead, I will take you away." When she finished sculpting the terracotta head of Hsiang Xirui, in a small gesture of defiance to the Emperor, Li Hui Zhong parted the lips of the statue of the young Lieutenant into an ever so slight smile. Then she fired the head and sent it to the workers who put it together with the other parts to make another terracotta soldier for the Emperor’s great Army of the Afterlife. Escape That night, Li Hui Zhong lit her kiln and left the door of the kiln open. She set out a jar of oil and a basket of fireworks next to it. As they rode away, the flames traveled to the fireworks. In a few minutes the small hut exploded breaking all pottery inside and nearby. Fire poured out of the broken oil jar all around the hut. Rushing to stop the spreading flames from reaching other huts, no one noticed that Hsiang Xirui was gone. The next morning they read his scroll and were glad to note that his sculpture was not damaged in the fire. The workers mourned the passing of Li Wu the Younger, one of the best artists any of them had ever known. The others noticed the slight smile on the face of the soldier but no one had time to redo the head— Hsiang Xirui was gone and who could equal the work of Li Wu the Younger? The craftsmen from her home village mourned also for the real person, Li Hui Zhong, and for the cruel fate that had separated her from her beloved so long ago. But when the workers from her home village saw the finished statue of the smiling Lieutenant, they recognized Hsiang Xirui Their sorrow turned to joy and they toasted each other with plum wine to celebrate that the two young people had found each other again. For when her former townspeople saw the smile on the face of the soldier, these old friends guessed what had happened. They knew the meaning of the Lieutenant’s smile—and now so do you. Joan Leotta This story tied for first place for the Australian Kaixin Prize and was previously published at Kaixin. Author's note: Inspired by the one smiling soldier in the exhibition of the Chinese Terracotta Soldiers in Atlanta, GA, at the High Museum. Joan Leotta is a writer and story performer whose poems, essays, books, and articles have appeared in many journals, including Silver Birch Press, The Ekphrastic Review, One Art, McQueen’s Quinterly, and others. She has been nominated for Best of the Net and for the Pushcart Prize. On X, she is @joanleottawrite. Her latest collection of poems, Feathers on Stone is available from Main Street Rag. Dancer from the Court of King Jussuf We are searching for a heated wine the colour of your imagination. Nothing local of course comes close. And Berlin or Vienna are not options for a thank-offering as we well know. Such a dance requires a pyramid of kisses, and a wine coloured by gods, but flavoured with crystalline kisses. The Three Panthers (Prince and Poet) On the prowl with your three new friends in Munich I’m sure, and equally sure that your letter back will be filled with words and images of everything, everything the eye can see, the ear hear, and the heart demands to imagine. Times of Peace Here there are dreams and low-lying fruit in the golden dreams. We wait for you here. We bleat happily to the grandmother sheep who wish you well as do Mareia and I. May these days of rest and peace find you here with us. Berlin is a cold place no matter what time of year. Come and gambol. We await your warming presence. Leave now. There is much to be harvested. And nothing to be gained from the cold hostel on Theresienstrasse. Black Horse The ride ends where its shadow began and where lights seeks to distance itself from the moon’s constant misery. Where this world’s visions no longer satisfy or inspire, where anger slams the door behind you and your new role as expatriate leeches you bloodless, and leaves your dark horse hobbled and without vision. We read your stories, and always remain your mirror, reflecting back our love. Your love and your life are safe with us. yrs F & M Bluish Mythical Creature My heart breaks the green wax seal. We wonder whether happiness can ever be your friend again? I know I presume. It is the silence that talks. The silence that demands an answer. I know you understand. The red sun, the blue horse and crescent rainbow, your favored stars and Sister Mareia need to hear your silver voice. Only your being here with us, will suffice. Richard Weaver Author's Note: In the early part of the 2oth century Franz Marc and his wife, Maria, befriended a woman - Else Lasker-Schuler - who was a novelist, playwright, poet, dancer, and artist. She was also a Jew in WW 1 Germany. Marc liked to paint postcards which he sent to his friends. Lasker-Schuler received 28 such painted cards before Marc was killed in the war. I have taken the images and in some few cases portions of the handwritten text as vehicles for each poem. They form the centerpiece section - “The Tower of Blue Horses” for a larger manuscript about Marc- An Old Darkness Deepens. I am indebted to Philip Wilson Publishers for Franz Marc: The Complete Works Volume 1-3. The author lives in Baltimore City where he volunteers at the Maryland Book Bank, CityLit, the Baltimore Book Festival, and acts as the Archivist-at-large for a Jesuit College. He is the author of The Stars Undone (Duende Press). Recent poems from the An Old Darkness Deepens manuscript have appeared in 2River View, Aberration Labyrinth, Clade Song, Conjunctions, Gingerbread House, Twisted Vine Leaves, Repurposed Magazine, Adelaide Magazine, and Underfoot. Summer Soul-Saving In Christina’s World by Andrew Wyeth there is a woman in the foreground. In front of her, far into the distance, a big gray barn perches on the hilly grass. The woman lies on the dirt, her dark dress strewn around her body as she holds herself up with one arm, the other reaching, in vain, towards the building. On warm weekends we drive up to the hill country, stay in a cabin on the flat, yellow grass. Up north, the air thrums lonely, shifting across raggedy reeds, into the dry pines of the treeline. I feel impossibly singular. I am sitting in the backseat, watching feathered eaves of corn peel away from us on either side of the road. The moon hangs low and lonely, and the dull tang of dill yogurt drifts in with the heavy sweetness of chicken kebabs from the takeout bag on the seat to my left. A Cavender’s cowboy boot store looms up, yellow-red fluorescent and massive like some wretched technicolour altar. My mother screams, a long, animal scream, heavy and gashed. Ethel Cain is a singer I like because she has a tattoo across her forehead like a crown. Strangers is a beggar’s song. I thought the noise was four-legged, a coyote in the grass, a wild dog. In the dim glow of the TV my father says he’d punch a certain kind of man in the face. We are all soft animals against a highlight reel of last season’s game. Blood turns in my stomach. I can’t tell girls about the song "Strangers" because they get caught on the crosses it bears. I can’t tell my father about girls because it would make him feel sick. Am I making you feel sick? It’s a haunting song that tells me of consumption. Who are you to tell me of consumption? My mother and Christina / me reaching for my mother / Christina reaching for her home / my mother reaching for her home / all of us stretching / yearning / straining for something we will not get. The first night in the cabin I wake up before the sun. My mother sleeps. I watch the gentle bobbing of her chest under a tattered quilt. In the woods outside a doe stares at me, reproachful. Her dark eyes swim. I feel so nakedly close. In the bed by the chimney my mother sleeps a stranger. She is so solemn. I cannot see her face but I know it has been still for a long time. Sometimes I imagine a painting where I am the only girl in the world. Grass undulates in some forgotten wind, scratching my sunburnt shins. Ahead, a barn waits for me, close enough to touch. The doe grinds a bird-boned leg into the dirt. She knows what I think about. I am asking the doe of my mother the stranger. I am asking the doe where I have gone. She looks at me, like, “where do you think?” my mother the stranger / me a stranger with a bovine smile hide The painting exists in a book I was gifted when I was six, a flimsy page I’d flip to so I could pretend I was Christina, I was the woman on the ground, all four foot six of me stretching towards something unreachable. My mother and I are soft animals in the dark of July. Her parents rest limp and shadowed in hospital beds on the far side of town, years of stress pressed deep into their bones. I wander into the gaping maw of my mother’s heart and fit myself into the two-person hole there, hibernating. Alone in her wretched kingdom, Christina drags her body through torn grass. She prays for me. She tells me she will save my soul. I want to ask what part of my soul needs saving, but that is a stupid question. I watch my mother bring our dinner home, steaming racks of lamb and beef and chicken, spiky pink radishes glowing with health, stewed golden plums, yogurt spiced and white in big plastic containers. In the future I am not a woman screaming. In the future my mother is not a woman screaming. We are both stilled. We have both reached the barn. In the future I want someone to pray to me the way my mother did to Cavender’s cowboy boot store. In the future I will curl around the soft animal of my mother, and in both of us will be a drawing out, a silver, sweet, and solid exhalation. Neda Ravandi Neda Ravandi is a writer from Texas with publications in So To Speak journal and Furthest From Home Publishing and Press. An alumnus of the Kenyon Review and Iowa University Young Writers Workshops, you can probably find her- when not writing- adding a review to her beloved Letterboxd account. |
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January 2025
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