Self-Portrait in Window-Light, by Katie DeLay

Self Portrait in Window-Light, by Katie DeLay (USA) contemporary

Self-Portrait in Window-Light

the god of whatever stitches window-light to the wall–
hold it there a bit longer : fix sight to the eyes :
fear of missing my cue : I’ve always hated 
showing up late to the horizon : minutes past :
the light already fading : barely perceptible in photons :
hitting the sheetrock & tile : I spent careful minutes
adjusting the tripod : slipping into shadow-memory :
did I linger too long

*

I woke in the night & couldn't sleep. I was whirring : trembling : unbelieving : god save my unbelief–
(whirr): the recurring question : to speak or die : in fractured shadow-light
(whirrrr): come out to my parents
(whirrr): frenetic speech : edges of a closed system : where chaos arises : watch it shatter
(whirr): & a knife becomes my tongue
(whirrr): another misspoken word : mercury silver-slippery : cutting the mouth
(whirr): after the holidays : after winter : after : after : after :
(whirrrrrrr):  or not : or not : 
(whirrrr): my brother warned : under no condition : I don’t tell much : neither should you
(whirr): the impression : care is conditional : perception becomes reality
(whirr): observation measured in impact : sight reveals a measure of light & form
(whirrrr): God : I am capitalizing
(whirr): a psalm of lament : my fingernails digging little crescents

*

liminal seams of light : near-edgeless frames :
quantize a particle, it waves : many stripes behind two slits :
in experimentation, use scientific method : if you aren’t a scientist :
method acting will suffice, likely : I became the quantized electron :
no, I became something small : small enough to split into :
a little frame of edges : spooled tightly within the camera : 
that god of vacuous light : my unending disbelief in endings :
given two windows, choose both : given two questions, infinite answers :
given two of anything, say : thank you with your teeth :
when conclusions raised more questions : I left the light on :
I was caught between nothing : between everything :
but I knew the body : can only move forward :
& light : cannot return to its source

Katie DeLay

Katie DeLay is a queer poet from Tennessee. Her work centres on photography, light, and the observer effect–the idea that bearing witness has a quantifiable impact on the observed subject. Katie is currently attending the University of Alabama’s MFA Poetry program, where she is the Poetry Editor for Black Warrior Review.