Fatherland, by Kip Knott

Self-Portrait as a Soldier, by Ernst Ludwig Kirchner (Germany) 1915

Fatherland
       
​                                      "...the goal of my work has always been to dissolve myself 
                                      completely into the sensations of the surroundings…"
                                      Ernst Ludwig Kirchner


I.

I was labeled
Degenerate
because of how
my palette changed

from lush blue-grays
and velvet greens
and plush maroons
before the war, 

to flesh pink, blood 
red, shit brown, piss
yellow, and death 
black after I 

came back from months
in the trenches.
The war took more
than my colours.

II.

Every face I 
fathered after
the war mirrored
my face: ghastly, 

haunted, ghostly.
Jaundiced eyes stared
accusingly 
into my eyes

as I painted
one suicide,
then another,
and another.

I would never
be satisfied
until my face
became Death’s face.

III.

Safely back home,
I hacked my own
hand from the thin
branch of my arm.

Exactly how 
many hands, legs, 
and heads did I 
see needlessly 

liberated
from the torsos 
of my fellow
brothers in arms?

I knew how sharp
my brush could be.
The least I could
do was give them

some part of me.
But in the end
I owed the dead
more than just my

​hand.

Kip Knott

Kip Knott’s writing and photography have recently appeared or are forthcoming in Cathexis Northwest Press, La Piccioletta Barca, perhappened, Third Wednesday, and Versification. His debut full-length collection of poetry--Tragedy, Ecstasy, Doom, and so on—is available from Kelsay Books. More of his work may be accessed at kipknott.com.