The Abandoned Doll, by Lisa Molina

The Abandoned Doll, by Suzanne Valadon (France) 1921

The Abandoned Doll

My precious Mimi lies on the floor, beckoning me to pick her up and hold her to my now-budding breasts.

I haven’t abandoned her.

Maman says I am no longer a child. That it is time for me to “Put childish things away.”

As she dries my back, I look into the mirror. Is is me or Maman that I see? I don’t know anymore.

I do know this: Just as my back is turned to Maman in this moment, it shall be forever turned to her. If I’m no longer a child, and not yet a woman, I am alone in this world. No more will I allow Maman to hold me close to her breasts, if I am not permitted to love my Mimi, as I have so many years.

I now see the pretty pink bow on my head in the mirror. Mimi also wears the bow I lovingly made and tied around her sweet head long ago...

So, after Maman goes to sleep, I shall pick up Mimi off of the floor, and walk to the river, where I’ll give her one final hug so, so tight, that it will be painful to my swollen breasts.

Then, I will kiss her on her cheek and say goodbye, as I place her in the flowing waters along with my 
own childish pink bow. I’ll watch as my beloved Mimi and pretty pink bow float down the moving and constantly-changing river, until I can no longer see them.

I will not cry. Only little girls with bows in their hair cry.

Rather, I shall smile to myself, knowing they are floating freely to the land of forever-children.

And then I’ll run home, and give Maman a hug, and let her wipe away my tears.

Lisa Molina
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Lisa Molina is a writer and educator in Austin, Texas, where she earned a BFA at the University of Texas at Austin. She has taught high school English and Theatre Arts, and later served as Associate Publisher of Austin Family Magazine. Molina now works with students with special needs. She can usually be found writing, reading classic novels, playing piano, or hiking and swimming with her family on the beautiful Barton Creek Greenbelt in Austin near her home. Her writing can be found in numerous online and print journals, including The Ekphrastic Review, Beyond Words Magazine, Trouvaille Review, Neologism Poetry Journal, Ancient Paths, Amethyst Review, Tiny Seed Journal, and Down in the Dirt.