Violet Hill, by Vincent Van Gogh, remixed by Lorette C. Luzajic

Violet Hill
 
(in the artist’s own words, from the diaries and letters of Vincent Van Gogh, remixed)
 
I have two views
the gardens, 
and the asylum
 

the walls are pale violet
the floor tiles red the chairs
fresh butter
yellow
 

still life:
majolica jug
with wild flowers
 

I am doing my best
I long to make 
beautiful things

 
people will tell me 
mountains are not like that
but in fact this expressed the remote, 
where there are goat herds, and sunflowers in bloom
 

I am sure they do not mean badly
they just don’t understand at all and
probably think I am mad
 

Delacroix, you know he said
he discovered painting only when
he had no teeth left
 

the night café:
ruin madness crime
this dive of a bar
 

in death there is nothing sad
it happens
in broad daylight
 

there is no news
every day is the same
 

you must have noticed the sunflowers
I painted, they are in Gauguin’s room
please, just 
let me get on with my work
 

I was thin and pale as a devil
working from morning to evening
 

I have been unable to stop myself
I could not let go
or take a rest
 

here is the stack of
orchards I had planned for you
impasto lilac and first white blossoms
 

white clouds in sunshine
 

blue enamel coffee pot
a cup on left, royal blue and gold
six different blues, five yellows
 

I went for a walk by the sea
along a deserted beach
how they sparkled bright green and yellow
white pink bright and still
 

opals, emeralds,
sapphires one might say
in the blue depths, these stars


it is not easy to paint yourself
it is different from a photograph
you are searching for something more profound
than what a photograph wants
 

I am always
laden like a hedgehog
sticks, easel, canvas, equipment, yellow straw hat
I am always dusty
 

believe me sometimes I have to laugh
at people who suspect me of all kinds of malice,
of absurdities I would not dream of
 

there is some sense
emerging in me of colour
something wide ranging and powerful
 

how I paint
I do not know myself
 

we are having very beautiful weather
chilly windy thunderstorms, rain
 

how good it is to walk along
the grey green sea
when you are feeling depressed
you have a need for something infinite, 
something in which you can see God
 

my moods vary but I have acquired
a certain serenity
I have a strong belief in art
it is a powerful current
 

it carries man to a haven
but he has to put in an effort too
 
 
I will try to do
great compositions
the garbage dump with garbage men
people lifting potatoes in the dunes
 

the hands that hold the rope that rock the cradle
 

I would rather paint
the eyes of people than cathedrals
paint the soul of a human being
a poor beggar
or many beautiful women in the city
 

cobalt is a divine colour
so is emerald
it is no economy to deprive oneself
of these colours
 

when I get out I shall be able to get back to work
I shall start on the orchards in blossom again
 

the blue line of the alps
the peach trees the farm houses
everything is small
 

if you can, see the olive trees right now
the foliage
old silver against the blue
 

just done two pictures of the asylum
a very long ward, with rows
the floor in red brick
 

a garden, a pond, very simple
and eight flowerbeds
Christmas roses with forget me nots
 

I can’t help but dabble a bit
with my picture, same fields
ochre, violet under white or a moonrise
 

pink dahlias dotted with orange
and ultramarine:
wallpaper
 

but for the cypress tree
the pink sky
clumps of brambles
 

wherever the sun beats down:
this sulphur yellow
 

the violet hill
 

I saw all this like this
from between iron bars
 

it’s too beautiful for me to paint it
or even imagine it

Lorette C. Luzajic

This poem originally appeared in Aspartame, by Lorette C. Luzajic (Mixed Up Media Editions, 2016).

Lorette C. Luzajic is an award-winning visual artist whose paintings have been collected in over 25 countries. Her poems, stories, and essays have appeared in hundreds of literary journals and about a dozen anthologies. She has been twice nominated for Best of the Net, with one making it to finalist, and three times for the Pushcart Prize. Her story, "The Neon Raven," recently won first place at MacQueen's Quinterly, one of her favourite journals. Lorette is the editor of The Ekphrastic Review. Visit her at www.mixedupmedia.ca.