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Violet Hill (in the artist’s own words, from the diaries and letters of Vincent Van Gogh, remixed) I have two views the gardens, and the asylum the walls are pale violet the floor tiles red the chairs fresh butter yellow still life: majolica jug with wild flowers I am doing my best I long to make beautiful things people will tell me mountains are not like that but in fact this expressed the remote, where there are goat herds, and sunflowers in bloom I am sure they do not mean badly they just don’t understand at all and probably think I am mad Delacroix, you know he said he discovered painting only when he had no teeth left the night café: ruin madness crime this dive of a bar in death there is nothing sad it happens in broad daylight there is no news every day is the same you must have noticed the sunflowers I painted, they are in Gauguin’s room please, just let me get on with my work I was thin and pale as a devil working from morning to evening I have been unable to stop myself I could not let go or take a rest here is the stack of orchards I had planned for you impasto lilac and first white blossoms white clouds in sunshine blue enamel coffee pot a cup on left, royal blue and gold six different blues, five yellows I went for a walk by the sea along a deserted beach how they sparkled bright green and yellow white pink bright and still opals, emeralds, sapphires one might say in the blue depths, these stars it is not easy to paint yourself it is different from a photograph you are searching for something more profound than what a photograph wants I am always laden like a hedgehog sticks, easel, canvas, equipment, yellow straw hat I am always dusty believe me sometimes I have to laugh at people who suspect me of all kinds of malice, of absurdities I would not dream of there is some sense emerging in me of colour something wide ranging and powerful how I paint I do not know myself we are having very beautiful weather chilly windy thunderstorms, rain how good it is to walk along the grey green sea when you are feeling depressed you have a need for something infinite, something in which you can see God my moods vary but I have acquired a certain serenity I have a strong belief in art it is a powerful current it carries man to a haven but he has to put in an effort too I will try to do great compositions the garbage dump with garbage men people lifting potatoes in the dunes the hands that hold the rope that rock the cradle I would rather paint the eyes of people than cathedrals paint the soul of a human being a poor beggar or many beautiful women in the city cobalt is a divine colour so is emerald it is no economy to deprive oneself of these colours when I get out I shall be able to get back to work I shall start on the orchards in blossom again the blue line of the alps the peach trees the farm houses everything is small if you can, see the olive trees right now the foliage old silver against the blue just done two pictures of the asylum a very long ward, with rows the floor in red brick a garden, a pond, very simple and eight flowerbeds Christmas roses with forget me nots I can’t help but dabble a bit with my picture, same fields ochre, violet under white or a moonrise pink dahlias dotted with orange and ultramarine: wallpaper but for the cypress tree the pink sky clumps of brambles wherever the sun beats down: this sulphur yellow the violet hill I saw all this like this from between iron bars it’s too beautiful for me to paint it or even imagine it Lorette C. Luzajic This poem originally appeared in Aspartame, by Lorette C. Luzajic (Mixed Up Media Editions, 2016). Lorette C. Luzajic is an award-winning visual artist whose paintings have been collected in over 25 countries. Her poems, stories, and essays have appeared in hundreds of literary journals and about a dozen anthologies. She has been twice nominated for Best of the Net, with one making it to finalist, and three times for the Pushcart Prize. Her story, "The Neon Raven," recently won first place at MacQueen's Quinterly, one of her favourite journals. Lorette is the editor of The Ekphrastic Review. Visit her at www.mixedupmedia.ca.
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January 2023
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